Anne Riley

Happy Sunday, all! How was everyone’s weekend? Good? Yes? Excellent.

First things first: I’d like to report on my latest Small Adventure.

I’ve never been a Nail Person. Fingernails, I mean, not the kind you put on a block of wood right before smashing your thumb with a hammer. In my opinion, fingernails are on my hands for two reasons: 1) So that I have something to bite when I get nervous, and 2) to give the phrase “my claws are coming out” a bit more weight.

Wow, this looks JUST LIKE my hand! Except my fur is more on the brown side. 

So anyway, I’m not really into Nail Care, as it were. But last night, while Rob and I were out partying like animals (read: walking around a shopping center), we happened upon a store called . . . well, I can’t remember exactly, but it was something about Christmas, and then we looked in the windows and Rob said, “Oh, it’s one of those Flags And Useless Seasonal Crap stores.” And then we thought that was so funny, we had to go in.

As it turned out, they had quite  a selection of Seasonal Crap–and also a lot of super fun nail polish. Remembering my vow to be adventurous in the small things, I spent, oh, the better part of ten minutes picking out a polish to try.

(What did Rob do for those ten minutes, you ask? Well, mostly, he watched me pick up bottle after bottle and say, “Meh,” which is a tribute to his Longsuffering Husband Spirit. But he also picked out some body lotion for me that smells like vanilla cupcakes. Yes, he IS the best, thank you for pointing that out!)

Finally I chose my nail polish and gave myself a manicure when we got home last night. And here you have it:

Well, okay, you can’t really see the color. It’s a deep reddish brown and it’s sparkly. The brand is Sinful Colors (yes, really) and the color is Mercury Rising, which I basically bought just for the name, but I ended up really liking the color, so it was a win.

By the way, taking a decent picture of your fingernails? NOT EASY. But seeing as this was my first manicure since I got married in 2008 (and that was my first manicure since, um, ever), I figure the struggle was worth it.

So anyway, HOORAY for small adventures.

Now, for the moment you’ve been (probably not) waiting for:

CREEPY FACES HAS A REAL TITLE!

But before I reveal it, let me say this: The manuscript and I? We’re in a fight. I’ve got a rough draft of 17 chapters so far, but I’ve hit the wall and have no choice but to go back to the beginning. The plot just isn’t focused enough and I need to see what sort of loose ends I’ve left untied plot-wise in the beginning.

Spoiler: There are several of them.

Also, my MC’s voice is supposed to be on the dark and serious side, but in this most recent chapter I found that she was starting to sound a little too much like ME, so I’ve got to make sure I’m keeping that consistent, too.

Serious=not easy for moi.

ANYWAY.

Okay, so the Real Title At Least For Now for the book formerly known as CREEPY FACES is . . .

Are you ready?

No, ARE YOU?

OKAY STOP SHOUTING JEEZ. The title I’ve chosen is . . .

BENEATH THE DARKNESS

*cue streamers, marching band, small rodents scurrying about and Flappers bursting from cardboard cakes*

What do you think? Love it? Hate it? If you hate it, please don’t tell me, because Lord have mercy it took me forever to come up with. So if you don’t like it, then comment on something else, like the weather or your delight in the lack of actual scurrying rodents and cake-bursting Flappers.

Have a good week, everybody!

November 27 was an epic day. It was the day I published the first ever “J. The Dude” post, in which my friend J, who is a complete and total DUDE in every sense of the word, agreed to watch Twilight and live-tweet his comments so that lo, we might laugh merrily. And there was much rejoicing.

J became an Anne Riley Books sensation, attracting a multitude of page hits and comments. People loved it. They wanted more. So I begged asked J to consider watching New Moon and humoring me with another live-tweet event.

And HE AGREED.

So without further delay, I give you:

J THE DUDE’S NEW MOON TWEETS

The following tweets were posted on the evening of January 24, 2012, by one “J the Dude.” All times are accurate so as to preserve the questionable integrity of this post. Comments in parentheses are my own. 

7:37 pm: Obviously, this is a dream. The old woman is terrifying. Wait–that’s her, isn’t it?!? BOOM!

7:41 pm: This long-haired character is a creeper. Why doesn’t the vampire eat him?

(Me to J: Which long-haired character?)

Although J did not respond immediately, I found out who he was talking about soon enough.

7:46 pm: French vampires?!?! Whoaaaaaa. They ripped that vampire apart. Where is all the blood? (I don’t think vampires have blood. That’s part of the reason they’re so cold. That, and they’re, you know, dead.)

7:50 pm: This dialogue is brutal.

7:53 pm: Well, I bet that wasn’t nominated for Best Kiss. (That scene is pretty much the most awkward thing ever. It’ll make you never want to kiss anybody ever again.)

7:57 pm: If I was watching this in a theater, I would be booing. They would have to escort me out. Unless I was on a date . . . then I’d keep it classy.

7:58 pm: Of course, if I was in the theater watching this and not on a date, I would allow (his friend) to punch me in the face.

At this point, one of our mutual friends chimed in to ask if J was, in fact, live-tweeting a Twilight movie . . . again. 

(J to the friend: Yes, @AnneRiley made me do it.)

(Me to both of them: True. This is all my fault.)

(Another friend to me and J: It takes two to tango.)

8:11 pm: The long-haired dude’s name is Jake? Ugh.

At this point I shall reveal that J’s first name is, in fact, Jacob–and he goes by Jake. He gave me his blessing to publish that bit of information about him by saying, “Do whatever you need to do.” Thanks, J. (I guess I can call you Jake now, but for some reason, I prefer to stick with J.)

Anyway, after Jake’s comment about Jake’s name being Jake (because that wasn’t confusing at all), the following exchange took place between us because I had just realized that Jacob was the “long-haired creeper” he referred to at the beginning of the movie.

(Me to J: Do you not remember him from the first movie?)

(J to me: No . . . I tried to repress . . . Oh my gosh he is taking his shirt off. This is pathetic.)

8:15 pm: Friends, if I am ever in the habit of screaming at the top of my lungs in the middle of the night, please check me into a hospital.

8:24 pm: High school date with a third wheel. Been there . . . as the third wheel. LOL at the guys holding their hands out during the movie.

8:32 pm: Jake just pulled the George Costanza “it’s not you it’s me” line. #Plagiarism

8:37 pm: Oh crap. That vampire just scared the heck outta me.

8:40 pm: What the heck?!? That’s a big freaking wolf!

When J and I were at college together, we went to the same church. Our former pastor is on Twitter and was witnessing J’s New Moon tweets in real time. At this point he chimed in with his own comment on the matter, suggesting that as J viewed the movie, he was also “mowing through a tray of pizza bites, half a carton of ice cream, a sleeve of Girl Scout cookies, and crying softly.”

8:44 pm: Please tell this young werewolf gentleman to put a shirt on . . . and Bella is a —-.

(Me to J: I’m gonna have to edit that one.)

(J to me: Pales in comparison to the vulgarities I’m screaming from my couch right now. This movie is crazy.)

9:05 pm: I would like to know who wrote and authenticated the treaty between the werewolves and the vampires. (That’s a good question, actually. Does anyone know the answer?)

9:12 pm: Ah, now I understand the foreshadowing of the Romeo and Juliet stuff at the beginning. Can’t believe I missed that.

9:16 pm: Okay, this is getting intense. #ThingsICantBelieveImSaying

9:21 pm: This Edward/Bella love connection looks like a drunken hookup that you would only find late-night at a college bar. (Klassy.)

9:22 pm: Wait, is that the little girl from War of the Worlds? Dakota something? (Fanning, and yes, it’s her. Also? She was on the cover of Cosmo this month. Not sure how I feel about that.)

9:29 pm: Are the werewolves about to show up? That would be awesome! (I don’t know exactly what part you’re at, but if Dakota Fanning is there, then . . . no.)

9:45 pm: Uh oh. Wedding in Part 3? What if there are werewolf wedding crashers, that would be awesome. I see a spinoff . . .

9:46 pm: First half of the movie was terrible. Second half was better. I’m looking forward to Part 3. (So are we, J. So are we.)

*          *          *

Immediately after this last tweet, my phone rang. Given that this was Night #2 of my battle with the WALKIN’ pneumonia, I sort of grumbled “Hello” and basically just listened as he went into further detail about his “Werewolf Wedding Crashers” spinoff idea.

The bottom line? J the Dude is . . .

*IMPORTANT UPDATE* It’s J the Dude’s BIRTHDAY today! Happy birthday, Jake!

If you’ve logged onto any type of social network in the past twenty-four hours (except for MySpace, because, really?) then you’ve probably seen my wailing and teeth-gnashing over the fact that my husband and I are both a bit under the weather.

By which I mean, we have Walking Pneumonia.

Somewhere in the depths of my lungs, this beautiful yet deadly germ has made itself a cup of tea, kicked back in a recliner, and settled in for the long haul. GET OUT, BEAUTIFUL GERMS, GET OOOOUUUTTT.

What’s really funny about this (actually, the ONLY funny thing about this) is that several weeks ago I was making fun of him for going to the doctor when he CLEARLY had nothing but a cold, and he said (please hear this with an exaggerated southern accent):

“But what if I’ve got the WALKIN’ Pneumonia?”

I wish I had a recording of the way he said it, because it cracked me up to the point that I fell on the floor laughing and could not get up for several minutes.

SEVERAL MINUTES. No lie.

Nothing tickles me more than when my husband plays up his accent.

ANYWAY.

What I’m getting at is that we had a good long laugh about the fact that he DOES have the WALKIN’ Pneumonia this time around, and then we stopped laughing and realized I’d been feeling sick too, so I went to the doctor and had myself a little chest x-ray, and guess what?

It was the WALKIN’ Pneumonia.

Which, if you think about it, is quite inaptly named, because the LAST thing I’ve been doing is walking. They should really call it Consistent Napping Pneumonia, or maybe Can’t Shower Because You WILL Pass Out Pneumonia, or By All Means Do Not Expect To Think Coherently Or Be Productive In Any Way Pneumonia.

But, alas: Walking Pneumonia it is.

So we’ve taken the wee one to her grandparents’ house until Ye Olde Germs can be banished from our bodies and also from the house, and I’ve got big plans to Clorox everything in sight tomorrow as I am staying home from work YET AGAIN.

Whoever made this cartoon, I need you to come to my house and clean All The Things, because I will probably be crawling around with a Clorox wipe in each hand, throwing them in the general direction of the furniture and then sleeping for six hours straight before attempting to clean again.

(Update: the picture came from this blog.)

Since I can’t think of a single relevant or interesting thing to say on the blog today, I thought I’d give you a few things to read by some people who are exponentially more lucid at the moment. I found these posts to be VERY helpful with writing and also very encouraging. Even if you are not a writer, you will enjoy some of these because they relate to all parts of life.

So, here we go. (All posts will open in a new window, so CLICK WITH ABANDON, my friends.)

1. Veronica Roth has this GENIUS post about explanations and writing, and she relates it all back to Project Runway. I *highly* recommend this for any of you who are writers. She hit the nail on the dadgum head.

2. Rachelle Gardner posted about her own struggles with jealousy in the agent world (this is one of those that will be good for everyone to read).

3. Kiersten White shows us how the first section of her manuscript for PARANORMALCY changed from Draft One to Final Draft. It was fascinating for me to see what she changed and why, and I think it’s a great thing for writers at any stage to look at.

4. Aimee Salter has a series of posts up right now about self-editing and how to tighten your writing. This is my favorite because it addresses modifiers. Again, I found it immensely helpful for writers at any stage. If you have time, read the others–she knows what she’s talking about. Which is probably why she runs her own editing business.

And finally,

5. Natalie Whipple wrote about her struggles with comparing herself in every way to others. The idea is similar to Rachelle’s, but she says it in a different way, and I needed to hear it. (Applies to everyone, not just writers!)

Alright y’all, I’m going to go make some mac & cheese, then continue to lie on the couch in my (dirty) pajamas. (Believe me, it’s not as fun as it sounds.) I hope to be back in full force by Thursday!