There’s A Sugar Overload, And Then There’s THIS

My lovely friend K’s little girl turned one year old today. Now, first birthdays are generally special and entertaining, especially when the Birthday Boy or Girl really gets into the SMASHING OF THE CAKE! and the LICKING OF THE FINGERS! and the THROWING OF THE ICING!

…Unlike our own Baby Girl, who mostly just poked at the cake and then cried. Bless.

But this particular first birthday was a little EXTRA special, because K’s daughter was seeeeeeveral weeks–like, I’m thinking it was SIX weeks–early, and the whole delivery was very touch-and-go there for a while, and basically there was a space of time in which K and her husband were very, very afraid.

The bottom line is, we were all very thankful to celebrate this day.

In true K style, the party was ADORABLE, with an Ice Cream Shoppe theme and a fifties-style poodle skirt outfit on the guest of honor. There were mini hotdogs, cookies, cupcakes, potato chips, delicious little mint things that looked like tiny hamburgers, and–the piece de resistance–strawberry milkshake.

I CANNOT EVEN TELL YOU how big my eyes got when I walked into that house.

Let’s just go ahead and put the stats out there: I had 2.5 full plates of food, most of which were sugary, and three cups of the strawberry shake. Plus one cup of pink lemonade.

Now, I realize I’m not exactly famous for showing self-control around food, but people.

PEOPLE.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH SUGAR I CONSUMED.

On the way home from the party, I completely devolved into a character I like to call Sugar Crash Crankypants. Basically I whined about my husband going to this event tonight because I wanted him to be HOME, and it didn’t even matter that he was taking Baby Girl over to my parents’ house so I could rest (!!!), I just wanted him HOME, and it wasn’t fair that he was going without me, and yes, YES, I know I could go too but I don’t want to, and OH, THE HUMANITY, MY LIFE IS SO HARD CAN SOMEONE PLEASE RUB MY FEET AND TURN ON HOUSE HUNTERS, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

If you don’t know how this relates to what I just said, well…you may never truly understand me.

Lord have mercy, people. I went on and on.

AND ON.

To his credit, he did not kick me out of the car or tell me to get a grip, either of which he would have been perfectly justified in doing. No, no. Because he is The Greatest Man of Our Time, he simply laughed a little, and did his best to (kindly) make me see what a lunatic I was being.

I only stopped being grumpy about an hour ago, at which point I took a lukewarm bath (not fun) and decided I’d better go put some clothes in the wash.

So here we are.

Things I learned today: 1) A sugar crash is a very real and VERY DANGEROUS thing; 2) Strawberry milkshake is like the sneaky devil of dessert foods because it convinces you it’s harmless and then it kicks you in the shins; 3) I married way, way out of my league.

Happy week, all, and stay away from those cupcakes. They might turn you into a monster.

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7 thoughts on “There’s A Sugar Overload, And Then There’s THIS

  1. Ansley says:

    What a patient man!

    MKK had a wonderful smash cake……AND ATE THE ENTIRE THING!!! I mean, fondant and all, she tore into that thing like she was never going to eat again. And, for the rest of the afternoon, she had this tic thing going where her head would twitch to the side. Hi-larious.

    In her defense, the cake was uh-mazing. Props and a shameless plug to my bestie Shannon at http://www.sweetspotconfections.com for making it!

    P.S. Did I tell you I’m a bona fide editor now? Yep….getting paid to use a red pen now. Love. It.

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