Mega-Naps, Awkward Voicemails, And Monkey Mania

First and foremost, Grasshoppers: I do believe the Great Comment Crisis of 2012 is over. Thank you to everyone who helped me solve the mystery–you deserve an engraved magnifying glass and your own sidekick named Watson! Here you go!

*grabs guy off street, paints “Watson” on his shirt, wraps his fingers around engraved magnifying glass, and shoves him in your direction*

So, guess what the problem was?

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I have no idea. I just messed around in my settings until people were able to comment without any problem.

Ta-daaaaaaa!

Anyway.

So, here’s something. You know that toddler I have? Well, she’s doing this thing where she doesn’t take a nap all day long at school, and then she crashes for four hours when we get home.

Yesterday she got up from her nap at 7:00 pm. Which is…wait for it…her bedtime. So she didn’t go to bed until like 9:00, and then she didn’t nap again today, so guess where she is right now at 6:18 pm?

IN HER BED. ASLEEP.

Moms? Help? What do I do? They try to put her down at school, but she won’t sleep. I am completely and utterly at a loss.

Reminds me of the old days, when Baby Girl used to fall out after a long morning of rampant formula consumption and leisurely bowel movements.

In other news, you know how fun it is when you finally get to talk on the phone to someone you’ve known online for years?

IT IS SUPER FUN!

And today, I got to talk to Jamey Stegmaier. On the phone. With real voices!!

You may know him better as The Man In Front Of The Red Wall.

But here’s the funniest part. When I first called, he was on a conference call at work, so I had to leave him a voicemail.

A VOICEMAIL.

Do you know how terrible I am at those? REALLY REALLY TERRIBLE.

This is basically what I said:

“WHAT UUUUUUUP! This is Anne Riley. <long pause> This is my voice. This is how I talk. Anyway. How are you? I hope your conference call is going GREAT. <long pause> Um, so, I was calling to talk to you about that thing I emailed you about, but now that I’ve thought about it, I kind of want to talk about something else. Or, not something else, but I want to talk about it in a different way. HAH!¬†Um, sorry, I’m a little scatterbrained. This is why I should not be allowed to talk on the phone. <realize I’m the one who asked if we could talk on the phone> ANYWAY, um, just call me back anytime. Really. Anytime is fine. Okay. Have a good conference call. Okay. Bye.”

So you will be shocked to know that he did, in fact, call me back. And graciously spoke to me for roughly thirty minutes. Because of this, Jamey wins all the bonus points in the world. ALL OF THEM.

(Bonus points for what? I have no idea. Why do you continue to be surprised when I don’t make sense?)

And in conclusion: LOOK AT HOW MANY MONKEYS WE HAVE IN OUR HOUSE.

The really scary part: I can think of at least three other monkey things we have, but they are in Baby Girl’s room, and as you may recall, she is currently snoozing it up in there.

(Yes, that thing on the right is a toddler leash. Don’t judge me. It is the only way I can keep Baby Girl from being snatched by predators while we are in public. She is quick. Quick like a FOX.)

(Or a monkey.)

The end. Thank you and good night.

13 thoughts on “Mega-Naps, Awkward Voicemails, And Monkey Mania

  1. Jessica Love says:

    I’m the most awkward voicemail-leaver EVER.

  2. Harley says:

    I love Jamey!

    And it’s obvious you need more monkies. I now know what to get little thing for her every-month-I’m-older birthday.

  3. You can’t tell by looking at my photo, but just out of the frame are about a thousand monkeys. True story.

    Thanks for the shout out! I tried to extract your voicemail from my phone so your loyal readers could listen to the southern charm that is Anne Riley Books & Monkeys Inc, but iPhone doesn’t make it easy. I will send you the transcript of the message for you to post if you’d like to.

  4. Ali says:

    So, I’m focused on the nap part of this post, because OMG…I would be freaking out if it were me. You seem so calm, but then…I can’t see you. Maybe you could try keeping her up when you get her home and then putting her to bed at like 6 or 6:30???

    Oh, and also…I’m married and totally in love with my husband, but how cute is Jamey???

    • Anne Riley says:

      Ali, it’s all a facade. I often look calm while I freak out on the inside. And yes, Jamey is a cutie patootie.

  5. Isn’t it odd how that magic works? Truly.

    A-DOR-ABLE St. Patty pic of the little’un.

    Love the voicemail. I personally use the actual phone as a last communication resort.
    :-P

  6. Hey hon, how are you doing?! Sorry I haven’t been by in so long, things have been crazy busy. I picked a great day to stop by, I get to see your adorable little one and monkeys. Who knew?! :)

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