A few weeks ago I noticed that Baby Girl had a friend at daycare. She’s always gotten along well with the other kids, but this seemed to be different. If her BFF was already there when we arrived, her face would positively light up with joy. She would smile, and he would say, “Hello, [Baby Girl].”
That’s right. HE.
Baby Girl’s BFF is a BOY.
I knew it was only a matter of time before one of them developed a crush on the other; we all know how that goes, right? One minute you’re sitting next to each other during Show and Tell; the next minute your elbows brush while you’re baking a plastic pie in the play kitchen. Sparks fly and everything changes.
“Those are some nice braids you got there, lady.”
I knew there was something between Baby Girl and her BFF. I just didn’t know how serious it was.
According to some reliable sources, the boy–we’ll call him Jacob, for no particular reason–has stated that when he grows up, he wants to marry her.
I think it’s obvious what has happened.
He has IMPRINTED on her.
Logically–and also according to TWILIGHT– this means he’s a werewolf. I think it’s my duty to society to expose this fact, and in the process I hope to reverse the Imprintation. It’s not that I don’t like him; it’s that the whole Imprinting thing seems a bit . . . creepy.
So here’s what I plan to do, and you can follow the same steps if you suspect that a werewolf has Imprinted on your baby:
1) Confirm that an Imprintation has, in fact, occurred. You don’t want to assume that the werewolf has Imprinted and then find out it was just a crush.
Watch the suspected werewolf to see if he stares excessively at your baby. If you’re close enough, you can also check for pupil dilation.
When you’re near the werewolf, close your eyes tight and see if you can hear his thoughts. This may be complicated by the fact that he’s a toddler and therefore has Toddler Thoughts, which might not make sense. Also, you must be a werewolf to hear another werewolf’s thoughts. So basically, the chances of this working are slim.
2) Examine the suspected werewolf’s arms and legs. Are they strangely muscular? Do his biceps and pecs seem a bit too developed for a two-year-old?
3) Ask the child’s mother if he has started bursting out of his clothes without warning. This might be a natural segue into the question, “When he bursts out of his clothes, does he then become a wolf?”