Well, That Was Exciting

Here’s a quick rundown of the past three days.

Monday: I took a personal day off of work. Several things needed to be done, but naturally they could only be done during business hours, and I work full-time, and I have a baby who MUST NAP immediately after school or else she turns into something like this:

OH OKAY, not really. Baby Girl is far too delicate to turn into a Naptime Kraken. But sometimes, SHE GETS CLOSE.

So anyway, I took a personal day Monday, found out the “oil leak” in my car was not, in fact, an oil leak at all, but rather a protective layer of an oil-like substance that can masquerade as an oil leak to the layperson. So there you go.

I took care of several other things Monday and was feeling pretty good about life. I even had a pimento cheese sandwich for lunch, and let me just tell you right now, pimento cheese is a LUXURY around these parts. I mean, I don’t pimento casually. In fact, I only pimento about once a year.

Or rather, I did pimento once a year . . . before the Great Pimento Backfire of 2011.

Tuesday: My alarm went off at 5:10 a.m., just like normal. (If you weren’t jealous of my life before, YOU ARE NOW.) I dragged myself out of bed. I got in the shower. I dried myself off. I threw up in the toilet.

OH YES, MY FRIENDS. The pimento was STRIKING BACK. Much like the Empire, but with more cheese and fewer light sabers.

“What? Han, why are you stopping?”

“I don’t know how to say this, Leia, but . . . have you been eating pimento cheese? Your breath is a bit . . . pungent.”

So Tuesday was sort of a blur.

Wednesday: I was better, but weak in that I-haven’t-eaten-in-36-hours kind of way. THANKFULLY, no one else in Casa Riley caught the dreaded bug. Because honestly I can’t think of many serious-yet-not-life-threatening situations I’d rather NOT be in than watching Baby Girl throw up over and over.

(Did that sentence make any sense? I keep reading it and I can’t tell.)

So I did a lot of napping and TV watching and Gatorading on Wednesday. And lo, by Wednesday evening, I had pretty much morphed back into a real human being. I even managed to give you yesterday’s super lame blog post.

In conclusion, pimento cheese has now joined the ranks of Cracked Pepper Triscuits, which I have not eaten since 2007 because they were the last things I tasted before coming down with a vicious stomach virus. In fact, I tried to eat a Triscuit at a baby shower last year and nearly gagged right in front of the mother-to-be.

How has your week been? And more importantly, what food have you blacklisted due to a sudden case of the vomits?

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26 thoughts on “Well, That Was Exciting

  1. Jamey Stegmaier says:

    I think that “Naptime Kraken” could easily join the ranks of bestselling illustrated children’s books written for adults, along the lines of that “Go the F to Sleep” book. You could probably get Samuel Jackson to narrate that one too.

    I like that your blog deals with food you’re uptaking while my blog today deals with food intake. For me, that “food” is in the form of lemondrop shots. I had three of them in a row about 10 years ago (and nothing else, so I don’t really consider this a drunken story), and I spent the rest of the night in the bathroom almost immediately after. Come to think of it, whatever I ate BEFORE the shots probably had a big role to play in the whole affair, but I have no idea what that food was.

    • Anne Riley says:

      If I write “Naptime Kraken,” will you illustrate it? And also, lemondrop shots sound both delicious and dangerous at the same time. I’m guessing this has something to do with why you had 3 of them in a row. LOL . . . yikes.

      • Jamey Stegmaier says:

        I know of a fantastic illustrator. The concept makes me smile, particularly with the photo you included. Surely there must already be an illustrated book out there about how kids turn into monsters (the book would take that literally) at various times.

  2. Amy says:

    mayo. just can’t do mayo. but it’s because I was hazed for a high school sorority, and they stuck a big thing of mayo in my mouth and I spit it up on one of their shoes. traumatic. and I hated mayo before that anyways, but that just cemented it.

  3. Jen Stayrook says:

    Krispy Kreme donuts. For field hockey we used to sell them at the beginning of the season to police officers (my coach loved a good stereotype) and other easily tricked buyers. When forcing our goods onto unsuspecting victims, we got hungry. I’m from the SE US. In August, IT’S HOT. Eating donuts for an entire day with NOTHING else, no matter how fit you are, is a dumb idea.

    I can’t even LOOK at Krispy Kreme donuts without wanting to vomit.

    • Anne Riley says:

      That reminds me of the time my volleyball team chose to eat Milo’s (the world’s greasiest hamburgers) before a big game and none of us could move on the court…

  4. Crystal says:

    Marshmallows that aren’t in anything. When I was in 2nd grade, we had this day where we had to experience what it was like being blind and deaf (among other things) and the deaf part consisted of putting those big headphones on and stuffing our mouths with those giant marshmallows.

    When you’re 8, stuffing 4 huge marshmallows in your mouth and unable to spit it out until two minutes has passed? NOT COOL

    I also don’t do Taco Bell anymore after seeing someone else throwing it up. Yuck.

    • Anne Riley says:

      I feel like I can’t breathe around the imaginary marshmallows in my mouth. That is awful!! And yeah, I love Taco Bell, but that’s leftover from how delicious it was during pregnancy.

  5. Alicia says:

    I’ve never liked peanut butter to begin with but had a rather unpleasant food poisoning experience with chunky peanut butter some years back. I try but still can’t stand anything with peanut butter. Also cilantro, although there was never an incident. Anytime I get even a hint of cilantro I want to dry heave. TMI? Sorry.

  6. Jessica says:

    Glad you’re feeling better! Sounds like a rough few days to me. I have blacklisted she-crab soup and stew for this very same reason. The word stew makes me feel sick even now.

  7. Jodi says:

    Would you believe there is nothing. NO THING! That is off limits in my world. This is why I’m beefy. No wait…SPAM. Although there was never a vomit incident, SPAM kind of tastes like it’s own vomit incident, doesn’t it.

      • ansley says:

        I ate a lot of Spam in Korea….granted it was never just eaten out of the can with chopsticks or anything, but one of my favorite winter soups is this soup that is affectionately called “trash soup” bc they just throw whatever they have in it….and this usually includes some Spam, ramen noodles, veggies, tofu, hotdogs, etc….it’s really good! But it sounds gross…

  8. Alexandra Shostak says:

    Glad you’re feeling better!

    Also glad you asked what foods have been blacklisted, because I was about to tell you my alfredo sauce story whether you wanted to hear it or not! (Actually it’s not a very long story.)

    Back in 2008 I was at this lodge at a local lake (it’s not even a real lake, it was human-made) and let me just say that it’s not immune to the shifty vibe. But my parents thought it would be a good idea to eat there. So I ordered some kind of pasta dish–it had alfredo sauce and veggies in it. It wasn’t awesome but it wasn’t horrible…

    …until about two hours later when I threw up EVERYTHING in my stomach. And I mean EVERYTHING. I’d started feeling nasty on the drive home, but the magic thing was after I threw up, I felt much better. I think I was about to get serious food poisoning and my body was smart enough to know something wasn’t right.

    But I still can’t eat alfredo sauce. I generally can’t even eat pasta with ANY sort of creamy sauce (this thankfully excludes mac and cheese). I recently tried something with red pepper flavored alfredo (I thought the red pepper would mask it) and I only had a TINY bit, barely enough to even qualify as a bite. Nope. Still felt nauseated until I got the taste out of my mouth.

    • Anne Riley says:

      I totally get that. I’ve never had a bad incident with alfredo sauce, but I can see how any cream-based sauce might go horribly, nastily wrong. Good for your stomach for purging itself before the dreaded food poisoning could sink in!

  9. ansley says:

    Nothing is blacklisted for me, although I’ve had some really bad viruses. I usually recover in 6 months or so, otherwise I’d be blacklisting chicken and dumplings, pizza, Jason’s Deli, wine, port, Subway, and sweet potatoes.

  10. Bee says:

    Thanks to a really awful idea from Hubba Bubba or Bubblicious about creating chocolate mint bubble gum circa 1986 paired with a stomach infection that sent my 10 year-old self to the hospital for a week, I can no longer eat anything that combines chocolate and mint. I am 35 now. The scars run deep.

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