Operation Hotmother: A Failure Of Epic Proportions

Well folks, we’ve had to revamp a few things about Operation Hotmother. Mainly because I HAVE FAILED MISERABLY.

If you remember, I said something like this: “Oh, I’ve only got seven pounds to lose! How hard can it be? I’ll just take pictures of everything I eat and exercise every day and I’m just SURE the weight will fall off! No biggie! Woop!” And then I’m pretty sure I threw a fist pump in there for good measure.

Well.

When I started Operation Hotmother, I weighed in at 162.5 lbs.

Now, almost one month – ONE. MONTH. – later, how much do I weigh? 163.5 lbs.

One hundred sixty-three and a half pounds.

I HAVE GAINED ONE POUND.

Here’s what I’ve done wrong:

1) While I had every intention in the world of drinking like 8 billion gallons of water per day (or, you know, a lot) I didn’t. I always get a big glass of it in the morning, but I’m lucky if I finish it by noon. And if I get a second glass in the afternoon? IT IS A MIRACLE, people. Really? One and maybe a half glasses of water per day? That’s a recipe for bloatage, right there.

2) I haven’t been eating enough. I know, this sounds weird since I’m trying to shave a few pounds off, but I have to eat enough just as much as I shouldn’t eat too much.

For example.

Today for breakfast, I had an English muffin with a tiny bit of peanut butter, coffee, and that glass of water I always get (of which I took exactly three sips).

For a mid-morning snack, I had two blueberry waffles with a little syrup and, like, one more sip of water.

My lunch was a tiny chicken sandwich with hummus and spinach. Plus a drop more water.

I was hungry by mid-afternoon and Maggie was napping, so naturally, I put some ice cream in a mug and poured our leftover coffee on top of it. And I had myself a creamy coffee treat.

Still hungry and now on a sugar-high, I decided enough was enough: I was SICK of being hungry all day. So I put the baby in the car and we drove to Wendy’s, where I ordered a #2 with a Coke.

At four in the afternoon.

And if you’re not sure, a #2 is the DOUBLE WITH CHEESE.

I was so ravenous that by the time we got back home – and keep in mind I live approximately half a mile from this Wendy’s – this was all that remained of my #2 combo meal.

Do you see the tomato in the bottom of that bag? I pulled off the one nutritious part of the whole thing (because let’s be honest, the lettuce Wendy’s uses has zero nutritional value) and threw it away.

And here’s the worst part: I could have eaten more.

I’m letting myself starve in the morning – not so much on purpose, but mostly because having a baby leaves little time for careful meal planning – and it’s coming back to bite me in the afternoon when I start feeling the lack of calories in my body.

Also, let’s remember: I am 5’10” and am not actually overweight. I’m just on the heavy side of normal, and I’d prefer to be slightly closer to the middle.

(Did y’all see on Twitter when I said Kate Middleton is also 5’10”? Isn’t that exciting?)

(We’re basically twins.)

(In an alternate universe where all laws of nature are defied on a daily basis.)

SO.

Operation Hotmother: Version 2.0

1) I will get a cute water bottle to carry around with me throughout the day. (Believe it or not, having a cute water bottle will make me want to use it a lot more.) (Yeah, I know I’m sad.)

2) I’m going to take a stab at the whole food journal thing again. Not photo journal, because my dumb phone ran out of memory too often. A regular food and exercise journal. However, this will require – you guessed it – a cute journal.

3) No more daily weigh-ins (that’s what I was doing, and let me tell you, it will make you CRAZY). I will weigh in once a week. On Friday mornings, I think, because if your weekends are anything like mine then you know: They can be a food disaster.

4) Actually go to the gym to work out. My home workouts get interrupted every two minutes because I feel like I NEED to do something else. What I NEED is to work out. So to the gym I will go. I’m going tonight, actually.

Okay.

Here we go.

Round Two begins tomorrow.

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22 thoughts on “Operation Hotmother: A Failure Of Epic Proportions

  1. Robin O'Bryant says:

    I’m laughing only b/c you and I are just like you and Kate Middleton. Except that I am 5’5. Water bottle will definitely help! After kids going to the gym is a must. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stepped on a kid trying to do lunges in my den. (Really I can tell you. It was exactly one time, and I was like “Screw this.”) I tend to exercise for longer if someone else is watching my kids. My cool downs have been known to last 15 minutes of walking a .05 miles per hour on the treadmill while reading on my Kindle. Still it’s better than laying on my couch and reading, right?

    Also, not eating til 2 then eating everything I see for the next 8 hours? Totally me. I. Feel. You.

    1. Anne Riley says:

      Hahahahaha! Thanks Robin! I have not stepped on anyone doing lunges yet, but it is IMPOSSIBLE to work out while watching kids! IMPOSSIBLE! *runs off to gym*

  2. Heather McCorkle says:

    You poor thing. I feel for you because I too gain weight while doing my best to lose it. A few tips, flavor your water (it goes down easier), and count fat grams, not calories. And hey, splurging once in a while is allowed so don’t feel bad!

  3. hal lilburn says:

    Since I started writing I’ve gained five pounds because I sit in front of a computer on my flat butt all winter. I weigh as much now as I did at 8 months prego. Even though i love writing, I can’t let it make me unhealthy, so I’m taking the summer off. I need to get out of the house and get some vitamin D. My piece of advice is: if there is no icecream in your freezer you can’t eat any. and more fruits and veggies.

    1. Anne Riley says:

      You are totally right. It all depends what I bring home from the store. Good luck with your hiatus!

  4. Harley says:

    As someone who just saw you (in your epic one pound weight gain) I can say YOU. LOOK. GREAT. I don’t think you need to lose any weight. But I get wanting to be a little lighter.

    I’m a grazer. I do the six meals a day thing. The trick here is find to things deceptively nutritious and yummy. I do a lot, a lot of granola bars with some kind of chocolate in them. Luna Bars are my go-to. They’re less than 200 calories and taste great.

    I really like Heather’s suggestion of flavoring your water. We can talk more about this, but I’ve got some tricks if you’re interested.

    Love you! You’re hot!

    1. Anne Riley says:

      Thanks Harley! Maybe you and I can find a way to take walks together or something. And I like Zone bars – especially the fudge graham ones. Mmmmm.

  5. Matthew MacNish says:

    Good luck, Anne!

    I’ve recently shifted my lifestyle to try to get more healthy. I don’t really care that much how I look, but I worry about my heart, because my family has history with that. It’s going well (I’m working out a lot, eating better, feeling good), but I haven’t actually weighed myself since I started, so knowing my luck I’ve probably gained weight from lifting weights.

    Oh well.

    1. Anne Riley says:

      Ha! I think it’s important to know what needs to happen with your body. Men do tend to put on weight when they build muscle, especially if you didn’t start out being overweight. Glad you are feeling good!

  6. Alicia says:

    Make sure you include weight training in your work outs. That is the fastest way to burn more calories for the effort you put in. Cardio is good but you can get on a treadmill all day and still not lose anything (at least I can’t.) And be sure to eat plenty of lean protein for recovery. As bad as it sounds, a glass of skim milk after weights (within an hour at most) will make you less sore and stronger faster.

    Good luck to you! I totally understand the battle with “just a few pounds.” I watch those extreme weight loss shows and think to myself that if those people lose 200 pounds I can drop 5! Yeah…it’s hard…

    1. Anne Riley says:

      I really think that it is harder to lose the last few! If I had 200 lbs to lose, I could probably just go up and down the stairs a few times and drop 50 like that. But when you’ve only got 5-10, well, it’s harder because your body wants to plateau.

      I am working weights in, for sure! 30 min cardio + 30 min weights.

  7. ansley says:

    My tips? Well, I need to follow them because I realized in 2005 that I was fat…not just big-boned but fat. So I worked my booty off for a couple years and lost 65 pounds. And girl, I looked good. At 5’10”, I was a size 12 and working it, hun. Then I got a boyfriend, broke up with him, got back together with him, broke up with him, moved to Korea, got back together with him, broke up with him, moved back from Korea, started grad school again, got back together with him, broke up with him and I’m back to where I was 6 years ago. Notice a pattern there? Anyway, I’m going to try my way again because it worked pretty darn well for me before.

    – use small plates (it makes it look like you’re eating more)
    – chew gum…it helps you to not graze
    – cute water bottle is a must, one with a straw is even better
    – food journals are hard to keep up with…just make good choices and only have good food at home….go out to splurge
    – accountability, accountability, accountability
    – def decide on one or two things you really want each week and have them….if it’s a calorie loaded frappuccino with whipped cream, do it….once a week

    Anyway, I’m right there with you, except I’m not a mom and I’m way bigger 😉

    Much lurve!

    1. Anne Riley says:

      Oh my gosh I just laughed out loud at you. You are so stinking funny. Listen, your tips are awesome! I’m trying the journal thing anyway because it worked for me right before I got pregnant. I lost 9 lbs by just keeping up with what I was eating. I’m hoping for a repeat of that. And I like your idea of getting one or two things you really want each week.

      We should hang out.

      1. ansley says:

        We really should. We can talk about how we are going to lose weight (you, 5 lbs….me, 75 lbs….) and books and kids and men and life and…well, you know how it goes.

  8. Lisa Potts says:

    Don’t feel bad. I’ve been at a plateau for like three years. That’s what I tell myself anyway.

  9. Farmers.Wife a/k/a Glass Half Full Gal says:

    I loved this post! You had me laughing out loud – LOUD! You are so great to share this. Good luck with round 2. I do the treadmill 4-5 days a week; with a few exceptions like summer vacation and traveling. But, even my kids at 8 and 9 are a constant interruption unless I time it when they are ‘busy’ themselves.

    My metabolism has dropped greatly since I hit 37 or so. I’ll be 39 in 12 days; with 40 around the corner. [YIKES!] My issue is my ring around the waistline. I hide it well with clothes most of the time, but I know it is there (and so does my hubby) 😛 I eat pretty well, and don’t touch sweets (not my thing) but I DO enjoy alcohol. In just about every form (well, not those sweet drinks but beer, wine and vodka tonics). And, we all know alcohol is ‘sugar’.

    Good luck! Keep posting your successes as inspiration to the rest of us!!

    Personally, I’d like to take off about 8-10 pounds and 1-1&1/2 inches of ring around the waistline. Before my birthday would be divine – but, at least before I hit the fab 40! Ha ha!

    😀

    1. Anne Riley says:

      Love your comment! It sounds like we have similar goals. I’d like to lose around 8-10 pounds, too. Seems to be hardest when it’s small numbers like that. And I know you will look just as great at 40 as you do now!

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