Well folks, we’ve had to revamp a few things about Operation Hotmother. Mainly because I HAVE FAILED MISERABLY.
If you remember, I said something like this: “Oh, I’ve only got seven pounds to lose! How hard can it be? I’ll just take pictures of everything I eat and exercise every day and I’m just SURE the weight will fall off! No biggie! Woop!” And then I’m pretty sure I threw a fist pump in there for good measure.
When I started Operation Hotmother, I weighed in at 162.5 lbs.
Now, almost one month – ONE. MONTH. – later, how much do I weigh? 163.5 lbs.
One hundred sixty-three and a half pounds.
I HAVE GAINED ONE POUND.
Here’s what I’ve done wrong:
1) While I had every intention in the world of drinking like 8 billion gallons of water per day (or, you know, a lot) I didn’t. I always get a big glass of it in the morning, but I’m lucky if I finish it by noon. And if I get a second glass in the afternoon? IT IS A MIRACLE, people. Really? One and maybe a half glasses of water per day? That’s a recipe for bloatage, right there.
2) I haven’t been eating enough. I know, this sounds weird since I’m trying to shave a few pounds off, but I have to eat enough just as much as I shouldn’t eat too much.
Today for breakfast, I had an English muffin with a tiny bit of peanut butter, coffee, and that glass of water I always get (of which I took exactly three sips).
For a mid-morning snack, I had two blueberry waffles with a little syrup and, like, one more sip of water.
My lunch was a tiny chicken sandwich with hummus and spinach. Plus a drop more water.
I was hungry by mid-afternoon and Maggie was napping, so naturally, I put some ice cream in a mug and poured our leftover coffee on top of it. And I had myself a creamy coffee treat.
Still hungry and now on a sugar-high, I decided enough was enough: I was SICK of being hungry all day. So I put the baby in the car and we drove to Wendy’s, where I ordered a #2 with a Coke.
At four in the afternoon.
And if you’re not sure, a #2 is the DOUBLE WITH CHEESE.
I was so ravenous that by the time we got back home – and keep in mind I live approximately half a mile from this Wendy’s – this was all that remained of my #2 combo meal.
Do you see the tomato in the bottom of that bag? I pulled off the one nutritious part of the whole thing (because let’s be honest, the lettuce Wendy’s uses has zero nutritional value) and threw it away.
And here’s the worst part: I could have eaten more.
I’m letting myself starve in the morning – not so much on purpose, but mostly because having a baby leaves little time for careful meal planning – and it’s coming back to bite me in the afternoon when I start feeling the lack of calories in my body.
Also, let’s remember: I am 5’10” and am not actually overweight. I’m just on the heavy side of normal, and I’d prefer to be slightly closer to the middle.
(Did y’all see on Twitter when I said Kate Middleton is also 5’10”? Isn’t that exciting?)
(We’re basically twins.)
(In an alternate universe where all laws of nature are defied on a daily basis.)
Operation Hotmother: Version 2.0
1) I will get a cute water bottle to carry around with me throughout the day. (Believe it or not, having a cute water bottle will make me want to use it a lot more.) (Yeah, I know I’m sad.)
2) I’m going to take a stab at the whole food journal thing again. Not photo journal, because my dumb phone ran out of memory too often. A regular food and exercise journal. However, this will require – you guessed it – a cute journal.
3) No more daily weigh-ins (that’s what I was doing, and let me tell you, it will make you CRAZY). I will weigh in once a week. On Friday mornings, I think, because if your weekends are anything like mine then you know: They can be a food disaster.
4) Actually go to the gym to work out. My home workouts get interrupted every two minutes because I feel like I NEED to do something else. What I NEED is to work out. So to the gym I will go. I’m going tonight, actually.
Here we go.
Round Two begins tomorrow.