Anne Riley

PEACH STATUS: STILL MIA

ANNE STATUS: THINKING ABOUT HOW I HATED SCOOPING LITTER BOXES ANYWAY (BUT STILL WORRIED) (AND STILL WISHING PEACH WOULD COME HOME)

I got the best email from an old friend yesterday. The Missing Cat Saga reminded him of it and he forwarded it to me. It is HILARIOUS. Enjoy!

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Shannon (the secretary) has lost her cat and has asked David (the graphic designer) to help with a lost poster. This is their email correspondence…

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi

I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon. This is the only photo of her I have. she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.

Thanks Shan.

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From:David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

That is shocking news. Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.

Regards, David.

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

I never said I don’t like cats. Attached poster as requested.

Regards, David.

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

It’s a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.

Regards, David.

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don’t come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

Regards, David.

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.

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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,

I don’t have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend’s cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter. I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.

Regards, David.

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says “I haven’t seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?” you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

Regards, David.

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit.

Thanks Shan.

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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

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From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

PEACH STATUS: MIA

ANNE STATUS: STILL PREGNANT; ALSO WORRIED ABOUT PEACH

Yesterday I left school at EXACTLY 2:40 (that’s when the bell rings, don’t worry, I did not leave any teens unsupervised in my classroom) and drove home so I could post flyers around our neighborhood. I’m a big believer in delivering flyers to each individual house as opposed to posting a couple of them in public locations, simply because A) I never look at flyers on telephone poles or wherever and B) they always get rained on/torn down/pooped on.

(Pooped on by birds. What did you think I meant?)

Everyone was super nice because I was waddling up and down the street with my 7-month-prego belly and my sad little “Missing Cat” flyers and everyone really wanted to help me out. One lady called me and said, “There is a cat that fits this description staring at me right now!” And I was so excited!

And then she sent me a picture of it and, while it did sound like Peach, it was not, in fact, Peach.

And another guy called and told me his dogs have been barking more.

*crickets*

Anyway, so Peach is still not home. Fingers crossed! And thanks for all the well-wishes!

Well, my cat is missing. Since Sunday night. I wouldn’t bring it up here on the blog except that Peach has been kind of a feature sometimes. You may remember how I detailed the ways in which Peach and I are nothing alike, or how I explained just how helpful Peach is around the house. I also called her out for throwing her poo against the walls when I did a special feature on my husband for his birthday.

So I feel like some of you are pretty familiar with Peach, which is why I bring up the fact that she’s missing.

Don’t worry, though: I won’t let her get away from us that easily. I’ve already made flyers to post around our neighborhood:

Sorry stalkers, I cut off the picture before you could see my phone number. Maybe I’ll slip up sometime in the future.

I was going to include a picture of Peach in the flyer, but then I realized all my pictures of her look kind of like this:

And then I would have to change the flyer to say something like “Missing Vicious Monster-Cat”, and instead of asking people to check their garages and storage sheds, I would have to tell them to make sure their children were in a safe place.

So I just left the picture off.

Anyway, I’ll keep you updated on The Case of the Missing Cat. Hopefully she’ll be home soon!

Edited to add: Even though Peach has been gone since Sunday night, she often stays out all night or all day – but never both. That’s why she’s only been declared M.I.A. as of this morning; hence, it is only Day 1 of Operation Bring Peach Home.