Early Entry For High Drama Blogfest!

And now for my second blog post of the day! Don’t pretend you’re not excited.

I just realized I may or may not have a chance to post my entry for the High Drama Blogfest hosted by the fabulously awesome and always entertaining DL Hammons, and I really didn’t want to miss out on this one, so here I am – early!

Just call me super responsible. It’s cool.

Okay, so this is a section of my current WIP entitled SYNTHESIS. Basically, it’s a hostage situation – only of course it’s much more than that! My characters are in their second day of being held on an unknown island by the crew of the plane they were on. They’re being assigned duties to perform while they’re held captive, and they’re all trying to figure out what in the world is happening. I think this scene is pretty dramatic, and it also really gives you a good feeling for Felix, the lead flight attendant / captor’s character. Hope you enjoy!

*          *          *

“Okay, here we are,” Felix begins. “This, as those of you who aren’t total idiots might have guessed, is the kitchen. And this is your cook, Ms. Adrienne Bloom.”

Ms. Bloom, a short, plump woman with frazzled hair and glasses that keep sliding down her nose, glances at us over a pot of boiling water and grimaces. Then she goes back to stirring whatever it is she‘s boiling.

No one around me says a word, and I know we’re all thinking the same thing. Cook? We have a cook here on the island? Is this normal for a hostage situation? No, definitely not. Who is she? Why is she here? Is she also a captive?

But I can’t think through anything because Felix won’t shut up.

“This isn’t a vacation, people. We’re going to be divvying up duties and pulling our own weight,” he continues, pacing around us with his hands behind his back. I swear he worked as a camp counselor before he took on this whole terrorist gig.

“Now, wait just one dadburn second,” comes Bill’s gruff voice from directly behind me. Everyone looks at him. “You jokers take over our plane, drag us out to the middle of some island, make us crawl through caves – all against our will, I might add – and now you think we’re gonna do your chores for you?” He snort-laughs. “Sorry buddy, but you’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Everyone takes in a collective sharp breath and turns to see Felix’s reaction. I could be seeing things, but I’m almost positive his eyes flash red.

“Is that so, Mr. Cooper?” he says in a low, deadly voice. “Would you mind stepping forward for just a minute?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I would mind,” Bill retorts.

There is a beat of absolute silence in which the tension just about chokes me.

“I see,” Felix says. “In that case, any excess blood is on your head.”

There’s a split second right before Felix draws his gun where I know something very bad is about to happen. Some instinct I didn’t know I had kicks in and I hit the ground, grabbing Dana’s arm and somehow managing to tackle Deb in the process. I’m sure I hurt them both when I yank them down on the hard stone floor, but at least they don’t get shot.

I can’t say the same for Bill.

He roars in shock and pain as the bullet lodges itself in his foot. Blood explodes from the wound and he collapses, screaming, his face losing color fast.

Felix nods at something over our heads and I turn to see the pilots, Sam and Jim, standing in the tunnel entrance behind us. I wonder how long they’ve been there.

The nod must mean they’re supposed to come get Bill, because that’s what they do. Sam picks up his shoulders and Jim gets his legs and they carry him, still screaming, into the tunnel.

It takes a long time before the sound of his pain dies out.

We’re all still on the floor, staring at the bloody spot Bill was lying only seconds before. “Get up,” Felix hisses at us, and we stand. I wonder if everyone else’s knees feel as wobbly as mine.

“As I was saying, we’re all going to have duties,” he goes on as if nothing remotely strange has just happened. “Sadie and Deb, you’ll be working here in the kitchen with Ms. Bloom.”

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23 thoughts on “Early Entry For High Drama Blogfest!

  1. DL Hammons says:

    Ohhhhhhhhh…ME LIKES!! This is just the kind of thing I enjoy reading. High Drama in SPADES!!! There’s a split second right before Felix draws his gun where I know something very bad is about to happen. Love that line!

    Great contribution to the blogfest Anne. Thank you for taking part. 🙂

  2. J.W. Parente says:

    I loved the quickness of this piece. Felix is a deadly little button and you had a few lines in there that sold me to his character in such a short excerpt. Part of this reads omniscient, or most of it does, but perhaps it because I don’t know who the “I” narrator is.

    Thanks for sharing!

  3. Nicole Ducleroir says:

    Hi there! I’m new to your blog and thankful High Drama Blogfest brought me by!

    This was an suspenseful excerpt with a lot of personality. I loved Felix — his voice comes through loud and clear. I also liked the vibe I got from the MC. She’s feisty but smart, unafraid but cautious. Love her!

    Looking forward to reading much more from you!

  4. Elaine says:

    This is a vivid world created by your powerful brief sentences. You built the drama. I have so many questions. Things I would love to know more about.Wow!

  5. elle strauss says:

    Definitely high drama. Love this line–I swear he worked as a camp counselor before he took on this whole terrorist gig.–

    Great job, thanks for sharing!

  6. Portia Sisco says:

    Oh, wow, great work, and you’ve ended at the perfect place:
    “As I was saying, we’re all going to have duties,” he goes on as if nothing remotely strange has just happened. “Sadie and Deb, you’ll be working here in the kitchen with Ms. Bloom.”

    I’d do the chores if I were them!!!

    —Portia

  7. Victoria Caswell says:

    i loved this one! of course there was the drama, but my fave was how you wove in off beat humor- such as this line:
    “I swear he worked as a camp counselor before he took on this whole terrorist gig.”
    excellent

  8. Angela McCallister says:

    LOVE Felix! I know he’s supposed to be a bad guy and all, but I admire how glib he is about shooting a guy for talking back. Geez, people, I’m just talking about in writing, not real life 🙂 Great drama entry. I want to read more of this story.

  9. Donna Hole says:

    Masterful; what a way to keep yourself in charge. This dude is really a cold fish. This sounds like an awesome story. I haven’t read a good mystery in ages.

    …..dhole

  10. Mesmerix says:

    Really enjoyed this fast-paced entry. I like the mix of cooking with Ms. Bloom, humorous really, and a suspenseful hostage situation. Cool.

    Thanks for sharing!

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