Let’s just get it out there: I’ve been neglecting you. Big time. And I’m sorry, really. The thing is, you overwhelm me sometimes. Between Music Mondays, Writer Wednesdays, and Follow Fridays, I just can’t seem to keep up. (And by the way, what happens on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Do those days just get the shaft? What gives?) And then there’s all the Twitter etiquette rules that, while never explicitly stated or explained, are somehow widely understood and respected – by everyone but me. Should I automatically follow everyone back that follows me, even if their names are HottVixen or ShowerHeadsPlus? And how often should I tweet? Once a week? Fifty times a day? What if I’m not funny enough for the witty Twitter crowd (also known as the “Twitty” crowd)?
I have yet to find a concrete use for you. If all you’re going to do is sit there and collect dust in the corner, would you mind grabbing a broom and cleaning up after yourself? Seriously, I don’t get it. Do you have any tricks besides friending people, or am I just not corporate enough to find you useful?
I’ve been working you overtime lately. I understand if you need a break. Just be sure to fill out the “Request for Leave of Absence” form under the counter, and let us know when you’ll be back. I’ll write you an original love song, to be performed upon your return. And I might make you a mix CD.
And I might cry the whole time you’re gone. In the corner. While cradling your logo and singing the theme song to Charlie’s Angels under my breath.
What? No, I’ll be fine! Just… you know. Hurry back.