Letters To Social Networks

Dear Twitter,

Let’s just get it out there: I’ve been neglecting you. Big time. And I’m sorry, really. The thing is, you overwhelm me sometimes. Between Music Mondays, Writer Wednesdays, and Follow Fridays, I just can’t seem to keep up. (And by the way, what happens on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Do those days just get the shaft? What gives?) And then there’s all the Twitter etiquette rules that, while never explicitly stated or explained, are somehow widely understood and respected – by everyone but me. Should I automatically follow everyone back that follows me, even if their names are HottVixen or ShowerHeadsPlus? And how often should I tweet? Once a week? Fifty times a day? What if I’m not funny enough for the witty Twitter crowd (also known as the “Twitty” crowd)?

Love, Anne

Dear LinkedIn,

I have yet to find a concrete use for you. If all you’re going to do is sit there and collect dust in the corner, would you mind grabbing a broom and cleaning up after yourself? Seriously, I don’t get it. Do you have any tricks besides friending people, or am I just not corporate enough to find you useful?

Love, Anne

Dear Facebook,

I’ve been working you overtime lately. I understand if you need a break. Just be sure to fill out the “Request for Leave of Absence” form under the counter, and let us know when you’ll be back. I’ll write you an original love song, to be performed upon your return. And I might make you a mix CD.

And I might cry the whole time you’re gone. In the corner. While cradling your logo and singing the theme song to Charlie’s Angels under my breath.

What? No, I’ll be fine! Just… you know. Hurry back.

Love…lovelovelove, Anne

Want to share this post?

20 thoughts on “Letters To Social Networks

  1. Medeia Sharif says:

    With Twitter you jump in. I use it almost everyday, but sometimes I feel inept on it.

    I have a LinkedIn account, and now I’m not sure why.

    Facebook’s my favorite. I’ve been working it overtime, too.

  2. Arlee Bird says:

    FaceBook is pretty good at letting me keep up with my daughters and a few of my friends. Haven’t really used it much otherwise.

    LinkedIn — I sense some value there, but I really haven’t put it to work much.

    Twitter — sounds like it could be annoying, but I haven’t bothered yet.

    Where to people find the time for all of these things anyway? I’ll keep my mind open about them, but I will need to learn more.
    Lee
    Blogging From A to Z April Challenge

  3. Courtney Barr - The Southern Princess says:

    Okay: Twitter – I need to do it more often.
    Facebook: yeah not really using it for all I could.
    LinkedIn: purely for the dayjob

    What I am missing here in your post is: BLOG.

    I would need a letter to Blog thanking them for acting as mediator and supporter. Because Blog really tries to house all the others no matter what… I heart Blogger….

    lol Love this Anne…

    Visit My Kingdom Anytime

  4. Eric Trant says:

    Great post! I just discussed with my brother today that FB’s good for voyeurism and nothing more. I’ve never twittered, nor have I link-whatevered.

    I do miss usenet, though. What a great tool that was, when used correctly. It was my “blog” back in the day, until spam overwhelmed and killed it.

    Blog, I’m new to. So far, it’s going well. I think I may’ve found a new home.

    – Eric

  5. Jemi Fraser says:

    I use Twitter a bit – usually several days a week (although not for the next few with the dead laptop) – especially for #yalitchat, #kidlitcat & #writechat. I probably won’t us it until the laptop is back.

    I’ve never tried LinkedIn or Facebook – not enough time to add anything new. Don’t tempt me!!!

  6. sarahjayne smythe says:

    Great post. I have a twitter account, but haven’t tweeted in forever. I ignore my Facebook for the most part in favor of my blog. I’m in a group on Ning I think. Argh, I feel your pain. 🙂

  7. Meredith says:

    I’m with Courtney. I don’t have time for all the social networking stuff. Twitter is annoying. Facebook might be interesting if I had the time. I have a Linked-In account in my “real” name for my regular day job, and never use it.

    I, however, [HEART] Blogger!

    And I love your blog, Anne

  8. Jen says:

    This was hilarious!!! I can’t help but giggle and I love each and everyone of your little notes especially because I can relate!!! Overwhelmed is an understatement!

  9. The Alliterative Allomorph says:

    hahaha! I love your sense of humour. If it were a colour, you’d certainly blend in perfectly with the colours of my walls. You’re a breathe of fresh air!

    I’ve never used Twitter. Can’t stand the thought of it. I have a LinkedIn profile. The only use I got out of it was finding a mentor for fiction writing advice, but since then, yep, you guessed it – it’s been sitting there gathering dust. Strange thing.

    As for facebook – that’s strictly personal networking. Friends and family – most from down under that I can’t really keep in regular contact with any other way.

    LOVE this post. Got me giggling 🙂

  10. Erica says:

    LOL – those letters are awesome. Yep, like Medeia said- just jump in. No you don’t have to follow the spammys out there, just block ’em ;o) Facebook is one I use too, but Twitter’s my drug of choice – hop in and hop out – just like I like it 😉

    This gave me a laugh – which I needed, thank you 🙂

  11. Heather says:

    Social networking overload huh?! Boy do I know that feeling. I feel the way about Twitter that you do about Facebook it would appear. It can be a bit tougher to figure out than Facebook but I love that there are not advertisements, games, or gimmicks to distract me from my friends. I know what you mean about etiquitte, hashtag days, and follows though, it can be tough to figure it all out.

  12. Rebecca T. says:

    I had a Twitter account, but rarely used it. Until we got unlimited texting and I set it up to my phone. Now I get tons of messages (which makes me feel wildly popular) but it’s easy to shoot off a quick Tweet if I’m in the mood. No computer necessary.

    I also tweet more when I blog more. Maybe it’s the creative juices flowing 🙂

  13. layinda says:

    I like Twitter, don’t tweet much, but use “Tweetdeck” to see the goings-on with. I have made it a goal to only “follow” people whose tweets I am actually interested in, and so far, I have more 25% more followers than followees. No one seems to mind when I don’t follow back. 🙂

  14. Alexandra Shostak says:

    Haha, I don’t know what LinkedIn is, but I’ve been neglecting my Twitter since… 2009. I got one, but didn’t really see the point/saw it as a colossal waste of time and huge distraction when I needed to be writing.

    Still love Facebook, though. 🙂

  15. Hannah says:

    I use neither very often. I would rather spend time enjoying the things I am doing rather than stop and tell people what I’m doing.

  16. Simon L. says:

    You should follow everyone back on Twitter. It’s just polite. All Hawtness39857 really wants you to do is buy viagra, y’know. Is that so bad? I hear it works for women too.

    Tuesday and Thursday do get the shaft. I feel bad for them.

    LinkedIn is useful for… Oh, hell. I don’t know either.

    Glad I could be of assistance. I’ll go post on your Facebook wall now.

Comments are closed.