Anne Riley

Several years ago, when Rob and I were just a couple of college kids, we decided to go see a movie. As we stood in the ticket line, I noticed there was a grasshopper in the girl’s hair in front of us. She had that crazy curly kind of hair that can only be tamed with a huge amount of gel, so I guess maybe the grasshopper was attracted to the smell of her hair product or something. Regardless of the grasshopper’s motivation, he was really enjoying his new perch, and I could tell he wasn’t going anywhere without a fight. Not wanting this poor girl to walk into the theater with a bug in her hair, I swatted it out with my hand.

The girl, having felt my swat, turned around and gave me a confused look.

“There was a grasshopper in your hair,” I explained, pointing at the offending insect as it bounded through the crowd of moviegoers.

The girl eyed the grasshopper, then turned an icy stare back to me. “You know,” she said with a condescending air, “you should probably have just told me.”

“Huh?” I said.

“Next time, just tell me there’s a grasshopper in my hair. Or ask me if you can get it out.”

I balked at her. Seriously? She preferred that I just tell her there was a bug in her hair instead of getting it out? Or ask her permission to get it out? Was there a chance she wanted this thing in her corkscrew locks? Would it have been less offensive to her to have an insect remain in her gelled curls as opposed to my fingers grazing approximately six strands of hair in a successful attempt at removing it?

I could not understand her reasoning. And ever since then – well, okay, for at least ten minutes afterwards – I remained baffled as to why my good intentions went so awry. If there had been a grasshopper in my hair, I thought to myself, I would certainly have wanted her to get it out. Nobody wants a bug in their hair.

Years later, after marrying Rob and (until today) forgetting all about Grasshopper Girl, I find myself diving into the world of writing. And, as we all know, this comes with a hefty amount of criticism. Sometimes there are grasshoppers – metaphorically speaking – in my writing, and I can’t see them. I have to rely on a good Samaritan to swat them away for me. Otherwise, I’ll walk around with them all day, oblivious to the fact that they’ve got their little grasshopper feet stuck into the meat of my manuscript.

What are these so-called grasshoppers? They can be anything from a major plot hole, to a character that doesn’t serve a purpose, to an ending that doesn’t satisfy. They can be too much background information or too little. And once they get their legs tangled up in your manuscript gel, it’s game over until somebody smacks them out of the way.

And that’s what it takes, isn’t it? Somebody to say, “Hey, this is really terrible. You need to cut this right now. In fact, let me just go ahead and delete it for you.” And before you can protest, it’s done. The grasshopper is gone, bounding away into the crowd.

What do you think? Are you good at spotting the proverbial grasshoppers in your writing? Weird metaphors aside, what are some of the biggest problems you’ve totally missed, only to have someone else be like, “Seriously? You never noticed that?” And how do you react when someone points out problems with your manuscript? Are you grateful that the problem was addressed, or do you get defensive and a little mad like the girl with the curly hair?

I wonder how many blog posts I’ve written with that title? Hmm. Maybe I’m channeling my inner Liz Lemon a little too much. That word just seems to communicate so much when you don’t know what to say.

I heard back from my agent today about our submission status. Of the ten editors who have The Clearing, five of them have rejected it. Now, that in and of itself is not that big of a deal. In fact, I was expecting more rejections. It comes with the job.

What upsets me is that they seem to like it less this time around than they did last time I submitted. After our first round of submissions, all of the comments I got back from editors were super encouraging. I mean, they all rejected me, but they did it while brushing my hair and telling me how pretty I was. (Figuratively speaking, I mean.)

This time, they’re harping on the negatives while (figuratively) pointing out that my ears are lopsided and telling me to get to the gym more. This is especially distressing because I spent 3 months working on the weak spots they pointed out last time. I thought my book was in really good shape. I thought it was about a thousand times better than before. I fully expected some compliments on my work.

There was one editor I really, really wanted to work with – and her rejection was one of the most hurtful to me. She wasn’t mean to me personally at all – none of them were – but the issues she had with the story really hurt my feelings. I don’t think she even considered accepting me. I’m not sure she liked the story at all.

I’m so confused. I feel like I just went through rush and everybody was telling me how much they liked my floral sundress and my pearl earrings, and I was totally going to get the AOPi bid, and then bid day came and all the sisters told me they couldn’t really connect with my dress and my earrings’ relationship with each other didn’t make sense.

That did not actually happen, by the way. But it’s still a good metaphor.

I don’t really know what to do now, but if five of those editors rejected me for similar reasons, I need to prepare myself to hear the same thing from the rest of them.

And then I need to build a bridge and get over it. Because I won’t stop writing, and I won’t stop trying to get published. I might cry a good bit between now and my publication date – whenever that might be – but I won’t give up. <cue “Fighter” by Christina Aguilera>

So, I’ve been slacking on my Week in Links feature. A lot. But it’s not my fault – apparently, my Motivation has run away. I have no idea where he is, but I’ll find him. Don’t you worry ’bout a thing. Anyway, here are the high points of the bloggy week. Enjoy!

• Alexandra Shostak reviewed the book Wicked Lovely. Alexandra does great book reviews, so if you’ve never read any of them, you should make this one your first! I’m adding it onto my “to read” list for sure!
• Chersti Nieveen blogged about how to start your book in the right place. This is something I think everyone struggles with, and in my opinion, it can be the deciding factor on whether or not your story hooks me.
• Elana Johnson posted about a great  - seriously, GREAT – new contest coming up on Monday. The prizes are a critique of your query letter and the first ten pages of your MS by Jason Yarn of Paradigm Literary Agency!
• Kiersten White posted THE COVER OF HER NOVEL!!! A little publishing house by the name of HarperTeen is putting her book on the shelves in September, and she has an official cover! Go look at it. It’s pretty.

That’s all for today. Happy weekend!