So if you read my last post, you’re aware I’ve been struggling a bit lately. Most of the struggle has centered around me, being obsessed with myself, and expecting everyone else to be obsessed with me too.
I know. Yikes.
But I’m happy to say that after a very nourishing (in so many ways) lunch with my friend Sophie, several long talks with my dear husband, and all the incredible comments from you guys, I am feeling about a million times better.
Will I have some other type of psychotic breakdown at some point in the near future? Oh, sure. And it will probably involve a lot of tears while I point out my every flaw, loudly, to my spouse and wail about what a mess I am. And then I will consume a large amount of greasy, carb-laden food to make myself feel better (until the indigestion hits, anyway). And no doubt this hypothetical breakdown will culminate with my standing in the closet talking about how much I hate all my clothes.
But until that happens, Hooray! I am in great spirits.
Isn’t it funny how self-centered we humans can be? For example – and please don’t think I’m throwing myself another pity party here, because I’m really not – but do y’all ever compare the number of blog followers or Twitter followers you have to the number that other people have, and feel somehow unvalidated because it’s not as many?
I do. How pathetic is that? Do I really have that much of an inferiority complex that I’m sitting there going, “Well, she has 450 Twitter followers and I only have 150. What can I do to get more people to follow me?”
Because let me tell you, that exact thought has gone through my mind before. Same with the blog followers.
It’s so silly. So childish and immature and frivolous.
When this new website gets going – remember? The one I’m going to use to lure some publishers into my lair? – I’m going to link my blog into it, but I think I might disable the “Followers” feature. And – call me crazy, but I might disable the comments, too. Because guess what?
Yep. I judge myself based on the number of comments my posts get. (Please don’t leave me a pity comment because I said that. That isn’t what I’m going for here.)
In short, I am an insecure person, probably just like all of you. So I’ve got a new gameplan: Focus all my energy (or most of it, anyway) on others. Helping others, spending time with others, loving others. Serving others. Being a good wife, daughter, sister, friend.
And forgetting about ME for a little while.
Love y’all. For real, thanks for the encouragement. It means a lot.